I know we all have our ups and downs, good days or bad days. It just seems that lately I’m stuck with the lows.
I’m an emotional wreck. I suppose much of the problem starts here. I won’t get into any details now, but it’s a situation for which I see no solution in the near future, so I might just have to live with it.
I have days (sometimes more than one in a row) when I find it impossible to focus on a task, no matter what that task may be. So I just surf the net, read the blogs of my favorite designers, artists, programmers or whatever (first I was tempted to include some links here, but then decided they are too many — maybe it’s lame, but some of them you can find in the sidebar. I will update the list one of these days). And so I get even more depressed, ’cause everybody seems to be doing so well, they are all so successful at what they are doing and shit… Or maybe they are not such cry-babies like I am? Could be an explanation.
But I guess it’s more related to the fact they don’t seem to struggle through life. They all have nice vacations in exotic places, they all (more or less) work on Macs they own and love, they all bought iPods Nano the day after the launch and things like that. Yes, I know money isn’t everything, but please, don’t tell that to me! I would really like to know how long is anyone going to keep his or hers spirits high when, at the end of the month, all of the fucking hard earned paychecks disappear like nothing for utility bills and food.
I don’t have crazy dreams. I don’t wish I had shitloads of money (I do wish I was a rock star though, but for different reasons). I don’t need the most expensive [insert item here: cell phone, car, boat, whatever] on the market. In fact I think I don’t have any dreams at all lately, except for one: a normal, decent life.
I mean, fuck: please tell me there’s more to life than eating, sleeping and working to pay the bills!
I may have said before that I’m not a religious person, but even my beliefs are at an all time low now. Where the fuck is that God that loves all his children the same?
And I’m not the one to complain. I mean, think of the starving children in Africa or elsewhere. So it better be a plan there, somewhere, otherwise this life is so unbelievably pointless.
Yeah… one of those days again. Smile, tomorrow can always be worse.