Decisions

This week I had an offer to go and work for a big advertising group as a system administrator.

I wasn’t very sure at first. The money isn’t great (but at least is not less than I’m paid now), with the promise of a little improvement starting next year.

But now I’m more and more convinced that I will accept the offer. It should be a fun job. I’ve never done it before, but that’s one thing I like about it. The idea of changing my line of work constantly came back to me during the past few months, and although this is not as radical a change as I had in mind, I think it should be a good change.

I guess most of my hesitations in the beginning were rooted in the fact I’m pretty lazy. Yes, I know it and admit it. At the current job I basically have no supervision, most of the times I can do whatever I want. So if I’m in a bad mood one day (very often lately), I simply mop around surfing the net or whatever. Of course, within reasonable limits — I don’t want to draw attention and I still have to deliver the things I’m supposed to. Especially since the beginning of this year started a really weird period, which culminated with the lay off of five out of seven people in my team. But there are also periods when I just can’t afford to mop around and I find that increasingly harder to cope with. Maybe the main culprit it’s my state of mind, but after eight or more hours of programming I get home almost a vegetable. Most of the time I’m not able to focus on anything and you can imagine how this is affecting both my family life and my freelancer projects.

I don’t think this new job will allow me to be lazy anymore. The program hours will be pretty strict (today I can come and go as I please, as long as I’m doing my job — the office is also two hundred meters away from my home, this I’ll never get again). Computers and software misbehave all the time, and usually when least expected. Still, I think my brain needs a break from the constant programming strain. Let’s be realistic: wiring networks and installing software can’t be as difficult and demanding as programming.

Another reason was that although I like changes from time to time, I find it pretty difficult to cope with change during stressful periods. Apart from my ongoing depression, only about two weeks separate us from the moment my wife will sustain hip replacement surgery. Stress level will blow off the scale.

But that’s it, my mind is almost made up now. There was a similar moment a few years ago, and back then I also had to choose between my comfort level and better future perspectives. I have sacrificed my laziness and an easy-going job for a much, much more demanding one and although it was tough, I think it was the right choice.

I’m almost certain it’s the right choice now too. I can surely keep my ass in the same seat as today, but with no guarantees it’s going to last a few more months or even a few more days. Nothing can convince me they can’t fire me as they did the other five, reassigned to another (supposedly profitable) project or not. And this opportunity will not present itself again, at least not when I’m going to need it.

So I’m going to seize it now, and I’ll see what the future has in store for me next.